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Mon, Nov. 7th, 2005, 06:38 pm
mnyellowtoes: Core Thoughts

Just a random story/thoughts i wrote during Core on sept 29th


We sit along the wall, stationed like pawns of a chess board, across from the tall enthusiastic professor trying to convince us of a philosophical argument that only a few grasp. I zone out and draw straight lines in a connected random patter over and over. Cat sits next to me, filling in the margins with as many pen lines as it can hold, like filling a cup to its brim without an overflow. Robin copies the notes off Jill and me, which seems fruitless for I am trying to copy off her. Only a portion of the class has passed and we begin writing notes to each other, trying to stay awake and conscious.
Two men in the class outstretch their naked feet in the middle of the room. Not an uncommon sight, but still baffling. I'm brought back to last night at Eat n Park where Eric Bell and Eric Jenkins were there, bare footed in a public dining area. How many times have uncovered feet walked across these floors? Mine have made the journey several times when I living above this place. I have paced in circles talking to Deena or layed on the ground giving shaggy haired boys back massages.
I am brought back to reality from the blowing of a nose and actual discussion. Cat's page is now completely filled and we are talking about faith. Being open and deciding to have faith presents a question for which no one has an answer. The topic randomly switches to air conditioning and the crispness of the Septemember day. As the cool air blows over my head, Cat and I huddle ourselves together to retain our own body heat. The loose hairs in front of my face way slightly like an empty swing in the wind and I am brought back to last night. Cool chills were sent through my spine both then and now.

Wed, Oct. 12th, 2005, 09:54 am
mnyellowtoes: Is this my life?

I don't know what i'm writing, or why i'm writing it. I just feel compelled to spill my soul to this empty screen staring and taunting me. My head is exploding with thoughts and yet there are very few that come to mind easily. I am still hearing the bell tower rings from the night before, over and over. They make me feel safe and comforted and protected. I smile when no one is looking and feel like a dork when i can't wipe it away. I woke up to a pleasant surprise this morning, although i knew it in my dreams. I could feel his presence, but didn't actually know he was there. There was nothing odd about it or startling. The bells are ringing now for real outside my window and i crack a smile. An innocent night spent getting to know each other. We may have just stayed up all night, i mean what difference could one hour make? but we drifted off in each others embrace possibly in midsentence. It's something real and truthful and meaningful. Something i never really expected, but am welcoming. Now i am at a loss of words, and only the moments stick in my mind. Moments that take your breath away. A quote: "life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away." Lately there have been many moments. Moments with him, with my roommates, with friends and family. Life has been changing, going insane, and reminding me of my responsibilities. Maybe i've been too caught up in the moments, but i don't want to come back down to reality. But i guess this really is my life.

Tue, Sep. 20th, 2005, 05:26 pm
mnyellowtoes: Home

They had a dream, had saved and exceeded all expectations
They chose a plot and made the plans
As they sat in awe their dream became reality
The beams became walls which became the foundation
Where life became love and love became family
Years later the aroma of pine needles flooded the basement
A tacky train that fell off the tracks noisly played Christmas music
And the children giggled and scooted around the floor
The yummy cafe became the schoolroom which became the castle of imagination
Soon the imaginations grew and moved on
Confetiti covered the brown shag
Not letting the secrets it held escape
The scent of baking apples brought everyone to the kitchen
Where it was devoured in T minus 2 seconds
A pool was supposed to be dug in the yard
connected by a lazy river to a neighboring sister
The forest diminished and the lights are now seen
But the fact remains that it was the dream
An ever changing apperance
A couple who don't want change
It will never be forgot and it's future is unclear
No matter what
The wall will always be carved with a magic markered face
The floors with long hairs
The basement with it's must
Will live in the hearts of all

Tue, Sep. 6th, 2005, 01:05 am
ariahsun: (no subject)

your soul is searching
feet are tired of running
pavement burns through
searchin souls of your shoes
words in every language
but your own
makes more sense than the
silence of your heart

i know that you're not mine
but i'll nurse you back to feeling fine
i'll hold you through the sunrise
and when you look into my eyes
i'll smile through your tears
i'll nurse you back to feeling fine
feeling fine

a thousand fires burn me inside
you're cold as ice
i wouldn't understand
when you're tired of running
from my arms
i'll hold you through the sunrise
i know that you're not mine
but i'll nurse you back
nurse you back to feeling fine

and in the morning, your tears are dried
i'm high on feeling fine
you can walk out that door,
pretend you don't see that
you're feeling fine
you long to be mine

Mon, Aug. 29th, 2005, 01:54 pm
ariahsun: #1

Spent our time
Dancing on tables
Breaking our high heels
Smoking an endless cigarette
Burning through black night
Shot glass smash
Stumble home
Smile through numb lips
Talk about everything
Nothing
Watching the sun rise
Remembering days that never die
And wishing for kisses
That fade into morning
Sleepless nights
Tired days
Finding truths that burn holes
In dreams
Coming down facing up
Crashing hard into love
Walk home raining
Feeling alive

Wed, Aug. 17th, 2005, 04:13 pm
eireforme: Yes, I actually wrote a poem.

Hands clasp over red metal.
Fate is sealed.



God smiles.

Tue, Jul. 19th, 2005, 09:26 pm
mariaelizabeth: (no subject)

It hurts her to look in his eyes. Every time she does, it only drives home the fact that in 8 days they won't be seeing each other daily anymore. Above all, he had become her good friend. And if she couldn't have him, she wanted that friendship to continue. She will see later on this evening how the next 8 days were going to unfold. She will be able to look in his eyes and know. And his smile will tell her volumes. The smile that makes her melt and at the same time breaks her heart.

Sat, Jul. 2nd, 2005, 02:05 pm
mnyellowtoes: Forgiveness

Words were never really spoken through those spring and summer months. So many things to say but no one breaching the subject. The closest she ever felt with someone. His eyes made her melt as he looked longingly into hers. She couldn't stay mad or confused, just wanted him to keep contact. It was the lack of spoken words that brought an end to it all. She left that august, leaving him behind. She would never forget him. Later the unthinkable occured and her heart was shattered. How could they do it, with both knowing her feelings. An open wound was pierced deeper and longer. She bleed from the inside and where no one could see her pain. Her outside like a bandaid, not letting it escape. Questions, pain, guilt, none of which she deserved. This wound would take time to heal. She had to let go and move on. They all had to. But still no words were given. Then randomly a year later he calls. After she had fogave, but not forgotten. His slurred words spoke the truth and he apologized. The puppy love had ceased but still lingered between them. Both had moved on. Now mabye she can truely move on after the words were actually spoke.

Sun, Apr. 24th, 2005, 01:35 am
mariaelizabeth: flashes of memory.

The smell surrounds her, making her head spin. With that one quick whiff, she is overwhelmed and soon finds herself peering down at a scene at least nine years old. She stares at the little girl and realizes that she's looking in a mirror. Curled up under the covers, the little girl presses her hands tighter to her ears in a fruitless attempt to block out the shouts that are bouncing off the walls of the darkened house.

...

She hears a slurred voice from somewhere in the corner and flashes forward ten years. The phone call on a chilly Sunday afternoon, the rambling that came from the man on the other end. The man who, after throwing his life away so many times, was given yet another chance. The man who couldn't stay away long enough to take advantage of his 25th second chance, who couldn't even stay away for 24 hours. Forever burned into her memory is the look on the face of the man sitting across the table as she hung up the phone. The man who fell once again for the lies of the good-for-nothing on the phone.

...

Someone arguing with their friend for just one more sends her back just two years. She pulled into the driveway to find the other side of the garage empty. He had gone to say goodbye to his brother whose one more had turned into another and another. After so much time begging for just one more, he had finally reached his limit and would never again be able to ask for just one more. She stopped to notice the dark, starless sky before going into the house to find out what she already knew, he was gone.

...

Fri, Apr. 8th, 2005, 01:05 am
mariaelizabeth: (no subject)

When you step out of the car, you can smell it in the air. The smell of the water. You can't stop the smile that slowly spreads across your face as you make your way to the dock. The creaking of the old wooden planks under your feet brings back a feeling of comfort that has been absent all winter. The warm sun beats down on you, refreshing your tired spirit, giving you all the energy you could ever need. Stepping up and over the railing, you find yourself frozen in place as the boat rocks slowly back and forth in the water. It occurs to you that you could stay like this forever. But there is so much more waiting for you. Once you are out on the open water, everything else melts away. The wind whips through your hair as the boat cuts through the tiny waves, gliding you ever so much closer to your destination. Out here you need nothing, you feel nothing but the sense of tranquility that spreads over you as you slow the boat to a stop in the middle of the water. The gentle sway of the boat takes you to a place that is indescribable. A place so alluring that you never want to leave. But you remember what awaits you and slowly ease the boat into motion again until you have her at full speed, bouncing through the waves once more. You spot your destination and feel the final shreds of the ropes that have been disintegrating since you opened the car door fall away. You are free once more.

"Cooped up all winter waitin' on a day like this
It's the way I feel when I'm rockin' on the water
Baby that I can't resist...
...Party on the water, whole lotta fun
Time to make a Tennessee river run"
-knowing that these days are almost here is what's keeping me going

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